Hello class. Today, I will explain to you why you will be forever alone. We will begin by looking at the important traits of an ideal partner. They must be very cute, smart, funny and nice. You also want to avoid some certain types of people, for example, psychopaths, downs syndromes, people with very weird fetishes, fat people and black people.
There are many more important traits but we will just stick with these for now.
I have put countless hours of research using peer-reviewed journal articles with ProQuest Central, and I will use these statistics to show you why you will be forever alone unless if you settle for someone that is not optimal.
Here are some stats I found in a very reliable peer reviewed journal article by Albert Einstein:
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| "Love is like a penis; sometimes it can be very hard" |
7% are cute
3% are smart
5% are funny
30% are nice
3% are psychopaths
1% are downies
4% have weird fetishes
20% are fat
30% are black
- "Albert Einstein, 1969"
Now I will do the math for you, and tell you how big your dating pool is after eliminating the undesired traits.
After crunching the numbers, approximately 0.000016 of the world's population has all of the required traits as described above. This means 1 in 62,500 people have all of the required traits. With our world becoming increasingly globalized, and with the power of the internet, an average person can meet up to 30,000 people in their life time, compared to 10,000 a decade ago. But despite this, you only have approximately 50% chance of even meeting your ideal partner.
But not to worry, there is a strategy that increases your dating pool by heaps. You can simply sacrafice some important traits. For example, if you are willing to date someone that is black, the 1 in 62,500 people changes to about 1 in 50,000 people. If you are willing to date someone that is not funny and not smart, who may also be fat, you can narrow it down to almost 1 in 50 people!!
But do not celebrate yet, because we have not discussed something very important. Even if you do win the lottery and find your ideal partner, it is all useless if they do not also like you back. Nikola Tesla has shown in many of his research papers that, when you like someone, the probability of them liking you back is about 1.25% to 3.75%, with people with a selective school background to be lower than those from public or private schools.
As you can see from all of these statistics and truths, you need to either lower your expectations or you will die alone.
